The Weasley's Joke Book
by Unicorn Mare
Summary: The owners of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes have written a Joke Book, which will be found at your Friendly Local Magic Book Shop, Mr. Lupin if you are reading this Advertisement please Hide your little red book as they plan to publish it too! on Hold my comput
1. Chapter 1

Summary; The owners of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes have written a Joke Book, which will be found at your Friendly Local Magic Book Shop, Mr. Lupin if you are reading this Advertisement please Hide your little red book as they plan to publish it too!

Disclaimer: All Jokes I've heard at some stage of my life and all the characters you don't know belong to me

Note: If Written in _Italic_ Muggles Can't read it!

_(The blurb on the back)_

Gred and Forge Presents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Weasley's Wizard Joke Book

A collection of Muggles, Magical, Teachers and Creatures Jokes we collected over the years, with their comments after some of the Jokes and much more!

_(First Page)_

Gred and Forge Presents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Weasley's Wizard Joke Book

Picture of Fred And George

This is George, _Fred points to George_, and this is Fred, _George points to Fred (the picture above are of the famous twins, as you read this line the boys are doing accurately) _and this is our Joke Book we've heard through our Time at Hogwarts, Mind you we'll never reveal any of our pranks we've pulled during our time at Hogwarts.


	2. Mad Muggles

Summary; The owners of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes have written a Joke Book, which will be found at your Friendly Local Magic Book Shop, Mr. Lupin if you are reading this Advertisement please Hide your little red book as they plan to publish it too!

Disclaimer: All Jokes I've heard at some stage of my life (there maybe name changes) and all the characters you don't know belong to me

Chapter One

Mad Muggles (are they really mad as they say?)

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Shelby

Shelby who?

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes.

"_Before you make a silly comment that is a muggle song" Hermione Granger_

'_Yeah, what ever you say Ronnie-kin's Girlfriend' grinned George_

Q; why did the Man get man fired from the Banana factory?

A; He threw out all the bent ones.

"Aren't Bananas supposed to be bent?" ask Lee

'Yes Lee!'

"Wow, he's really mad?"

Q; what's the difference between an ordinary man and Superman?

A; An ordinary man wears his underpants on the inside.

"_What a weirdo wearing your undies on the outside of your pants" said Fred_

'_Hey, Harry what's a superman?' Ask George_

"_Superman is a comic that muggles read about a man that can fly without a broom and saves lives" answered Harry_

Q; what do you call a girl who stands on a tennis court?

A; Annette

Q; why did the one handed man cross the road?

A; He wanted to go to the second hand shop

"_He's really mad, if he wanted to get a new hand he should of gone to St. Mungos" Percy said_

'_All groan'_

"_You know Perce, you've just killed the joke' said Bill_

'_All snicker'_

Boss: You're looking much better now, Ron. How's that Pain?

Ron: She's away on a business trip

"_Ron that wasn't very nice" Huffed Hermione_

"_Fred you are so dead" Roared Ron_

Charlie was very nervous about going in a plane. "Do these planes crash often?" he asks the Flight Attendant

'No' She Smiled, 'Only once'

"_Who want to go into that contraption, when you have a Broom?"_

Lee: Our Teacher went to the West Indies For Holidays

Hermione: Jamaica?

Lee: No, She went of her own accord.


	3. Books

Disclaimer & Summary see the First Page

Chapter Two

Books

Life under the sea by Sandy Bottom

Picnic at the beach by Sandy Egg

My life at the Gas station by Phil R. Upp

Life in the Jungle by Harry Ape

I get paid peanuts by Ella Phant

"_Fred you know these aren't real books" Harry Stated_

'_I know mate, but aren't these great' answered George_

It's Summer time by Theresa Greene

Crossing the ocean in a rowing boat by Eva Lott

Me and the Wife by Ian Shee

I met a Yeti by Anne Tanctic

How to keep pet Snakes by Sir Pent

On Collecting Reptiles by Ivor Frog

Wriggly Creatures; How to do guide to collecting them by Tina Worms

My best Friend (the witch) by Ann Otherwitch

Black Magic by Sue Pernatural

"_Black magic means dark wizards and witches to the muggles" said Hermione_

Long walk home by Miss D. Bus

Sleep by Annie Stethic

In the Country by Theresa Greene

"_Gee, Isn't Theresa Greene Popular"_

I caught the Loch Ness Monster by Janet A. Big-Wun

The Housing Problem by Rufus Quick

I saw a Vampire by Ron Fast


	4. Tongue Twisters

Chapter Three

Tongue Twisters

"_Okay these aren't funny until you get someone to say them fast out loud and then watch them trip over their own tongue"_

Blissful Brenda blithely backed Britain

Vera valued the valley violets

She sat in solitude and isolation sighing and singing sad songs

Hetty and Harry hurried homeward to hasten from the howling Hurricane

Theresa tried on twenty three silver thimbles

The heiress found the heirloom haphazardly hanging from the high shelf

As I went into the Garden

I saw five brave maids

Sitting on five broad beds

Braiding Broad Braids

I said to those five brave maids

Sitting on five broad beds

Braiding broads braids

"Braid broad braids, brave maids"

Katie quailed after quarrel at quarter to one with Queenie and Cleo

The Lieutenant's Lady loved liqueurs and likes to linger late with lots of crème de menthe

Betty Brown blinked and brandished the broom at the big Labrador

"_Lavender didn't ring right, so we'd played around with names until came up with Betty"_

Sally's Selfish selling Shellfish, so Sally's Shellfish seldom sell.

Colin Cuddled Connie in the car and caught his camera on the clutch

"_Hey Colin, Who's is this Connie" Fred nudged Colin_


End file.
